No one like us

This post is about my being alone, and also a response to Sarah’s.

Reading the post stirred a bit of emotions, with a bit more thoughts. And I think it’s about time I try to share something more too, so here it is.

Firstly I’d just say that my bridging friendship with Carisse and Sarah came at an extremely appropriate timing, but I’ve had to hold myself back a few times to ensure that these friendships aren’t becoming replacements, and I’ve never judged or told myself that it’s something worse or better than what I had because it’s different.

Anyway, I like how Sarah looks into people’s profiles (on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter etc) to find out about the person because she makes the effort to, and it quite interesting on it’s own.

Society, (or perhaps a better description would be our minds) is built on the foundations of a self organizing system. Meaning, everything we see/feel/experience are grouped accordingly into different groups so that it saves us all the time of having to analyze and re-analyze things one by one. Truthfully it does take a lot of effort and is also terribly draining if you were to do it one by one.

But here’s the problem: say people are boxes of toys, and you see many toys you like, you would presumably think that you’d like the other toys in that same box. Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn’t. This is similar to the puzzle pieces conversation that I’ve had with Sarah, but I intend to build this self discussion on the foundations of selective perception.

So if we come across a bad toy, naturally our ‘like’ rating would decline. And eventually it would sometimes lead to – as Sarah’s mentioned in the post – a loss of interest and a good impression ruined.

People are a box of toys; we all have some different toys, but we also have the same ones as well. The problem that this self organizing mind have caused us, NOT only to people but to everything else is that – we always seek. If we see a toy we like in box A, and find a toy we dislike we move to box B. In box B we see the toy we like and we find another toy we like, as well as the toy we disliked in box A, so we move to box C. And we will keep moving and moving and moving down until we find – not a perfect box (really quite impossible), but a box with enough toys we like to compensate for the ones we dislike.

Point of this all?

You don’t even know all the toys in all the other boxes. Because you never waited around to look at them all.

WHICH is perfectly understandable, that’s just how our minds operate. We cannot help it, it just happens. So we try to figure out how we can fix this but we can’t, because if we took our time to figure out a box we’d lose time in discovering other boxes. Lose lose. Like looking at flowers through a damaged lens and think that all the flowers look terrible, not realizing that the problem lies with the lens.

So now we know the problem lies in the lens, and similarly, our problem lies in the fact that we seek. Which brings me to my next chain of thought, selective perception which I shall just briefly write about because i’m tired of typing. Selective perception means perceiving things in such a way so as to support a preformed idea. A wife who finds out the husband is cheating on her would look back on the whole marriage and find ONLY the moments that indicate that her husband didn’t love her. With this, I’d just say what many others have said 28478294727 times – we see what we want to see. This is the seed of racial discrimination, and prejudice and everything else.

Now back to the toy box – it’s because we seek things that we often fail to appreciate and see things for what they are. I feel weird saying this because it’s been said many times by people who never really understand what they’re saying.

I think for me, a reason why I’m like this is because I think i don’t look at people as packages anymore. I just take all the pieces I get and complete the boxes I can complete.

And my self discussion has now provided me with an idea as to how I’ve become like this: perhaps I’m not seeking anything, which is why i don’t reveal anything.

I’ve thought about how I could just smile when listening to people talk and not voice my opinion at all. I’ve thought about how I could skip out on a potentially interesting conversation with Sarah and many others before because I didn’t say what I wanted to say. It could also perhaps be because it’s not my right to influence people, yet. I think it’s a lot of reasons. So I’ll just be alone for now.

I really would share this post, if not for my disclosure of some personal details that I’ve written.


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