Norwegian Wood

Written by Haruki Murakami.

He is an absolutely fabulous writer. I’m quite consumed by this book right now. Going to finish it hopefully by this weekend.

Brilliant.

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The story and the Starbucks’ coffee

Your coffee is being drained too fast, way too fast. A book in your hand, a cup of coffee, and a pen, constantly pressing against paper in an attempt to capture every single passing thought, and an endless stream of thoughts, waiting to settle into ideas. Drowning the sound of coffee blenders, of finger tappings, and of banters and chit-chats is the soothing art of Explosions in the Sky.

Yes, clearly, you live in your head. You also watch people and things far more carefully than you should. The trips to Starbucks isn’t just a quick exchange of goods – it hasn’t been for a long time now. The office lady at the corner of the room, buried in her own pile of work racing against time, the young men and ladies studying with agendas to meet and grades to keep, if not, to achieve. The ladies, blog shopping and reading magazines. The new faces, in and out and out of sight – you watch everyone of them. These people have interesting lives. But so do you, in your own way.

Your coffee continues to be drained. Occasionally you ask yourself if you are living in a fantasy. If so, how deep in are you? You see too much, far too much than you should. All these people, busy with their own personal agendas to meet – what personal agendas do you have?

Nothing.

Well there is a plan – an elaborate plan – waiting to be played out, just waiting.

But what are you waiting for? An idea to settle? Inspiration to come? For what?

For life. For the unknown, or the unexpected. For something meaningful and worthwhile, something that would convince you before you close your eyes tonight that ‘Today was a good day’.

Funny, isn’t it, how one good moment could compensate for the countless seconds wasted, like the explosion of a star. And sometimes they don’t come, and you sleep, disconcerted by your insecurities of a day wasted and you tell yourself tomorrow, maybe tomorrow. But you see, there is no tomorrow. There is no Monday, no Tuesday. There is only day and night.

Much goes on in your fantasy world, like the conversations you have with yourself.

You believe in a boundless capacity for development and achievement. You believe in a God, but not in a superior being. All there is is what you can see with your eyes. You look into the heavens that is the skies and point; there it is, that is where you’ll go. You could fly if you wanted to. That is where you can be if you wanted to. Hopefully dragons exist, makes flying a lot easier. But there are no certainties. So what is your certainty? You don’t know. You think it is your mind, and what you choose to feed it with. So you begin a journey of mental development to learn, to understand, to take in everything you can and to expect the uncertainties, the mysteries, and the unexpected. It is an expectation that could never be disappointed, or so you think.

But just for a moment then, and these moments don’t come often, you left yourself vulnerable to doubt and fear of failure. The great ‘What if?’s. You almost tripped. Watch yourself. What if this is a fantasy, a delusion? So be it, because either way you are still living and kicking like everybody else.

There is a great truth that while you may think you know many things, you know nothing. And someday you will die.

So are you alone?

Yes.

Everyone is, at least for a significant amount of their lives.

“I have the right to kill the man who killed my family. I dont say that I shouldn’t be punished for doing what i did; I feel, I had no choice. What would you do?”

Patrick Jane

Is it in the photography?

I’ve never actually given thought to the excitement I get each time I look through pictures of beautiful sceneries and landscapes from all over the place, and this got me thinking if my fascination lies in:

1) a need to escape; run from reality
2) simply a desire to travel
3) a desire to explore
4) simple love for amazingly well mixed colours and elements and great photography skills

I could spend hours simply just browsing and looking at these pictures. To me, each picture represents a certain specific beauty of this world, and it gives me great satisfaction to see these pictures through the perspective of the photographer and the lens of his camera.

It’s beginning to seem to me as if my incitement for nature may not be as well parred to my enthusiasm to appreciate photography. What excites me is not the picture, but the perspective of the photo – the angle, the height, elevation; the capturing of an essentially image that highlights and expreeses the meaning and emotions experienced by the photographer. This, I think, explains why I love National Geography and Discovery Channel so much. I love it – the documentaries, films, pictures, everything they offer.

Because National Geographic photographers are professional photographers, and they do what they do best to represent the beauty of what I love most; this world. Behind every picture is a set of stored emotions, and to be more specifically calculative now, imagine that there are 10 sorts of emotions, and each picture mounts and brings about a mixture of any of these 10 emotions, which equates to mean you can feel 3628800 different surges of emotions. And there are much more than just 10 sorts.

To empathize with the picture and the photographer, to appreciate their representation of beauty and appreciation is a past time I find to be extremely worthwhile. Some may find it redundant and a huge waste of time, but in a world such as ours – where everyone has access to everything, where we have freedom of speech, of experience, of expression, and freedom to question – I think what everyone secretly seeks is to understand their own lives. This does not help me understand my life – that would make little sense – but it just allows me to appreciate it.

I will travel someday, and perhaps I will learn to fly a plane then and not now, and I will see much more.

Random first few folders from my file. Gotta runnnnnnn.

Decision

Decided not to take the Airforce contract. It’s a gamble, yes, but that is all right. I am not wasting an opportunity at all – in fact in a way I am creating more opportunities by rejecting this offer. There will be a better way to save up for university, for security, and for me to live my life. Sorry mum/dad.

Anyway this weekend hasn’t been entirely enjoyable, but that’s probably because I haven’t had breakfast and sat down and read, or that I have nothing interesting to read despite my enormous pile of books waiting to be organized.

It’s been a very long time since I browsed through National Geographic to enjoy my dose of great photography of people, landscapes, weather, etc.