For some weird reason today while taking a nap, I dreamt that I lost my mother – while in camp. I imagined seeing her lying motionless, with the anger and the sadness and the guilt of not being able to be with her. And yet, I told myself that it was alright because I’ve lived my life trying to make her happy and help her as much as I could. I couldn’t quite hold back the tears.
I am still rather embarassed at how easily I shed tears. I mean, it’s quite a good thing because in a way I express/release emotions efficiently fast – like I’d feel better right after crying.
Anyway, tension is building up between individuals in the platoon. Maybe not yet, but I sense that this would be quite likely in the upcoming weeks. Put together a bunch of immature, undisciplined and playful polytechnic youths who have spent much of their times rebelling – what would you get? While much fun is provided – which truly is something I am extremely grateful about for being in the company – but I swear the whole ostracising thing, the ugly, dumb, condescending attitude and expression that they reveal to unaccepting results would sooner or later get to me. I don’t intend to badmouth, but occasionally there would be individuals who don’t quite use their brains. Their mouths are louder than their brains and this would consequently result in a mediocre standard of things. But that’s how it is with a group. We’re only as strong as our weakest member.
Sincerely, I look forward to the end of these 2 weeks. I look forward to see how much these individuals can change. And I have to agree to a certain extent – NS changes MOST boys to men.