Your coffee is being drained too fast, way too fast. A book in your hand, a cup of coffee, and a pen, constantly pressing against paper in an attempt to capture every single passing thought, and an endless stream of thoughts, waiting to settle into ideas. Drowning the sound of coffee blenders, of finger tappings, and of banters and chit-chats is the soothing art of Explosions in the Sky.
Yes, clearly, you live in your head. You also watch people and things far more carefully than you should. The trips to Starbucks isn’t just a quick exchange of goods – it hasn’t been for a long time now. The office lady at the corner of the room, buried in her own pile of work racing against time, the young men and ladies studying with agendas to meet and grades to keep, if not, to achieve. The ladies, blog shopping and reading magazines. The new faces, in and out and out of sight – you watch everyone of them. These people have interesting lives. But so do you, in your own way.
Your coffee continues to be drained. Occasionally you ask yourself if you are living in a fantasy. If so, how deep in are you? You see too much, far too much than you should. All these people, busy with their own personal agendas to meet – what personal agendas do you have?
Well there is a plan – an elaborate plan – waiting to be played out, just waiting.
But what are you waiting for? An idea to settle? Inspiration to come? For what?
For life. For the unknown, or the unexpected. For something meaningful and worthwhile, something that would convince you before you close your eyes tonight that ‘Today was a good day’.
Funny, isn’t it, how one good moment could compensate for the countless seconds wasted, like the explosion of a star. And sometimes they don’t come, and you sleep, disconcerted by your insecurities of a day wasted and you tell yourself tomorrow, maybe tomorrow. But you see, there is no tomorrow. There is no Monday, no Tuesday. There is only day and night.
Much goes on in your fantasy world, like the conversations you have with yourself.
You believe in a boundless capacity for development and achievement. You believe in a God, but not in a superior being. All there is is what you can see with your eyes. You look into the heavens that is the skies and point; there it is, that is where you’ll go. You could fly if you wanted to. That is where you can be if you wanted to. Hopefully dragons exist, makes flying a lot easier. But there are no certainties. So what is your certainty? You don’t know. You think it is your mind, and what you choose to feed it with. So you begin a journey of mental development to learn, to understand, to take in everything you can and to expect the uncertainties, the mysteries, and the unexpected. It is an expectation that could never be disappointed, or so you think.
But just for a moment then, and these moments don’t come often, you left yourself vulnerable to doubt and fear of failure. The great ‘What if?’s. You almost tripped. Watch yourself. What if this is a fantasy, a delusion? So be it, because either way you are still living and kicking like everybody else.
There is a great truth that while you may think you know many things, you know nothing. And someday you will die.
So are you alone?
Everyone is, at least for a significant amount of their lives.