And we’re all back now – to long calls and desk jobs, to office politics and petty arguments, to deciding how to spend a day and who to call and meet. We’re all back to our own individual lives.I’ll tell you what I don’t like: short getaways with big families. I’m back from a short Christmas weekend at a Malaysian resort – with over 100+ people. And while the past few days have been highly pleasurable, it sucked.
So you have 3 days, and 2 nights – like most ordinary short getaways. In a way, 96 hours of day and night activity may seem essentially sufficient. How the hell do you expect to mingle and lay back and enjoy afternoons with cousins when you have over 30+ people to spend it with? In all honesty, I did not go there expecting to want to bathe in the company of my cousins, I simply could live with the idea of a short break from all this military crap going on in my life. I mean, I could sit at dinner or lunch or an event with everyone and smile and be happy to be in everyone’s presence, but I can’t talk. I mean, I could, but I’d sound silly. Then, there are the awkward times when you walk past each other, and living on the same floors I’m sure to see everyone’s faces at least 10 times a day, and you say nothing but you smile, and they smile back. And if you don’t smile, they won’t smile. I would begin to break this social impasse but all I could do was smile and even then I’m not a good smiling person >.> I feel like I’d do more but at this juncture I cannot, yet. Fact: I am suffering from what you may call a slight withdrawal caused by my own inability to do the things I wanted to.
There are families who are well bonded that stick together to form some sort of tribe. Then there are the left overs, who refuse to be left overs and form up an alliance to compete with the existing tribe. Soon it’ll dawn upon everyone that the reason for the surging of negative emotions lie in the failure of our own basic survival needs: communication. But for that, we need time. And time we don’t have because we have too many people. SO MANY PEOPLE.
I’m past the slightly condescending, slightly antisocial, and slightly different phase now. I see the need for some human interaction and the importance of family bonding. I was so focused on our differences then – which really existed then because of the things I was exposed to through my adolescence – that I couldn’t find ways to convince me to want to step up. And I do now, and I realize again i am terribly, socially limited.Maybe for me it is the lack of opportunity or the failure to make full use of my time there.
WELL THEN. At least I managed to catch up with some reading. More such events to come in the future, hopefully I’d be more equipped (; and to this little miserably withdrawal feeling residing in me – buck up.
Everyone’s grown up and changed now. It was a heart warming break. I do look forward to the outing, hopefully then I’d have more time to properly mingle and open up to everyone else.
Edit: In camp now. Feeling like crap seriously. The getaway might have killed my mood entirely. Foresee a miserably low week. On the bright side, I’d like to be more communal.