Believing an identity

Guard duty was brilliantly fruitful that I look forward to next week’s. Anyhow, I’ve had 4 friends now talking to me about identity conflicts, conflicting beliefs, and the ordinarily overloaded stream of consciousness.

But before reading anymore, play this.

At some stage of our present life, between the ages 19-21, we face an unprecedented issue – we cannot begin to comprehend or filter thoughts in our heads. Our stream of consciousness is filled with questions that open more questions, and hardly, any answers. We have media and books and people telling us we can do what we want, be what we want, shape what we want, and make our own beliefs, and so we begin to pick on the fabrics that have been woven. I think, at some point we begin to question our own identity, or what we are, and some common ventures are religion, philosophy, meaning.

Deep down within these questions lie a vulnerable self, ready to grab onto anything that could save us. Our minds weave evidence to support our beliefs, and we’re at out most important crossroads of our lives, where everyone idles, and nobody leads.

It’s like a pit, with an infinite amount of doors to pursue, yet nothing is definitively or deductively correct. We may think, ‘where do I go? What do I do? What do I look for? Why the hell is this happening to me?’ We are extremely vulnerable inside, and any problems that aims itself at our direction would be welcomed with slight exaggeration, a certain alienated majesty, and it would be amplified much more than it should be; we cannot deal with it effectively. The desperation consumes our ability to seek properly.

People get out of this pit through means, sometimes at the age of 20, sometimes 25, 30 etc. They tend to lunge forward at the first set of concrete beliefs that their environment presents to them and they leave – saved from the chaos in their heads – to put to test their new beliefs. But they don’t go anywhere, ever.

Soon, maybe 2, maybe 5 years later they reach an impasse and realize that they haven’t truly went anywhere, for their current set of beliefs begin to fail them. So they fall back into the pit to find a new door.

How much time of your life would you spend finding the right door out? It isn’t an ordinary feat to accomplish, and unlike our shelter, food, education, our beliefs cannot be given to us and sometimes it never truly reveals itself.

Penitent, I cannot really help. I chanced upon mine and I’ve been trying to figure out how. But what I do have, is this.

You’re never going to find it soon, ever. This is the absolute truth. You’re not willing to mess up your life, and you certainly are too cowardly to want to risk everything. After all, what have you risked? You won’t mess up your education even though you hate it. You wont break out of the deluded reality that you will get nowhere without formal education. You cannot even value yourself, you depend on others to do the evaluation because boom, that’s what people are good that and you think they would do a good job on you. You want things INSTANT, like some god damn magic pills for happiness or richness. I’d tell you I have a way – you go through this and that, move slow and steady, and at the end you’d get what you want. Would that sell?


You see, this is the result of marketing. If I were to go and sell a product that would eventually, not instantly, make you fit, would you buy it? No, I’d lose money. Nobody wants to lose money.

And this is the idea that gets into everyone’s head. Everyone wants things instantly. You won’t invest your life, or education because you won’t get the returns instantly. You’re afraid to be even a little bit poor. One for one is the way of this corrupted world now.

For that, you will never benefit from the books you buy and read. So spare yourself the intellectual facades by buying those self help books – they won’t help.

You will find a way if you’re willing to lose everything. But you’ve never been forced to lose anything.

You will never find something when you don’t know what to look for. And the issue with humanity is that they try.


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