A Little Chaos

I haven’t written in ages, obviously, and I suppose recent events have roused a desire to write again, despite the fact that I haven’t been, at all, well read for the past year. (or two)

It’s 11:30pm in Jakarta right now – we had a family wedding to attend here but that aside, I haven’t done much other than study. I had attempted to begin writing sooner (just a day before) but I could not get the internet working on my laptop.

In any case, my main reason for this writing is to express a certain displacement that’s occurred in my life recently, one I would ascribe to an encounter with a certain young lady in school. I have no means of truly describing what she’s like – I suppose I could, but any attempts at it would be poor and limiting and I’d do justice to no one (not even myself). I guess, to put it simply – in a school of thousands of students, from all sorts of background and experiences (I say experience because your personal experience influences the way you look at the world and therefore, behaviour towards your surroundings) I’ve never met a single woman like her. Please note that by the previous sentence, I meant school and not life. I’ve had the single, greatest good fortune of meeting my incredible (and current) partner.

This girl stood out almost immediately, firstly, from her posture and the way she walked and carried herself, to the way she spoke and behaved from the few observations I’ve had from when we crossed paths. The fascination I developed for her, or rather, for the idea of her consumed me for 2 days. Whilst almost everybody has a supplicating eye turned on events and things and other persons, a few natures are central and forever untold, and these alone charm us. In an effort to control myself, I wrote out my thoughts on a letter, which I had planned to pass to a friend of mine, Jaime; the decision to pass on this letter being in Jaime’s hands. Life, however, has its own unique way of screwing with your plans – I saw the girl before I met Jaime, and Jaime never came to school. And so the letter made its way from between the pages of Emerson’s Letters & Social Aims, to her table. And I told myself there and then that this was it. I was finally a step closer towards controlling myself again.

I’d be blatantly lying to myself if I said I never cared for a reaction, or hoped for something to happen. I suppose I did, but I simply focused on the fact that I’ve expressed my truest thoughts in the letter, and for that I could take a step forward. And with all that’s been said and done, I’m glad I did what I did. You’d probably be wondering what her name is, or what she’s like – specifics, etc, and I suppose you might even end up trying to stalk her. But I think the presence of such details would spoil her right to present herself as a proper person, and not in the image of my impressions.

So, if I do have the greatest pleasure of being acquainted with her, perhaps then I’d share who she is. Perhaps.
Edit: It was made aware to me by both my girlfriend as well as some other close friends that I should make it clear that I am in no way sexually attracted to her. Rather, it is my attraction or interest in interesting people and things that’s put me in this position that would seem quite peculiar.

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